It's My Job To Hate Him
by Chibito
Summary: At the end of the day, there’s only one reason for my hatred. For me, it’s an obligation to hate him, and nothing will ever change that. I cannot change that. I must hate him, I have to hate him. Yaoi.


**_Genre:_**_ Angst/Romance_

**_Rating:_**_ T_

**_Pairings:_**_ Yuki/Kyo_

**_Warnings:_**_ implied __**Boy x Boy** pairing – please do not read if you do not like it._

**_Summary:_**_ At the end of the day, there's only __**one** reason for my hatred. For me, it's an **obligation** to hate him, and nothing will ever change that. I **cannot **change that. I **must** hate him, I **have to** hate him._

**_Other: _**_A one shot. __Complete._

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket._**

**

* * *

**

**It's My Job To Hate Him**

**

* * *

I know.** I know when he's happy or sad. Depressed or frustrated. Angry or delighted. Scared or brave. I just know it all. 

I don't know _why_ I can tell these things. I shouldn't care that I do. It's probably because I'm observant. I can read people easily.

But I **can't**, can I? I know I can't. I'm the **worst** when it comes to… _people_. I'm the _stupid cat_, after all. I'm not good at **anything**. Except for reading _him_. Pffh. Of all the things in the world I could be good at…

So _how_do I know him so well? _Why_do I know him so well? I mean, I **hate **him, don't I?

I've known him since we were born, just a couple of months apart. Coincidence. That's what it was. But what different lives we would end up leading.

He had everything I didn't. Favoured (in a sort of way) by Akito. An accepted member of the Juunishi. Popular with people in general. Smart, kind, intelligent, and amazing. Handsome, strong, charming, and popular. Everything I wasn't on the outside.

Plus the fact that it was written that the rat was the one who had caused the cat to become an outsider. If it wasn't for _him_, then my life would be completely different.

And I **hate** him for it, don't I?

I'm **meant** to hate him, right? Because it is how it was written. The rat versus the cat. The cat versus the rat. One against the other, for all of eternity. Forever enemies, always hated by the other.

But… what am I to judge him based on a story? I hate it how people judge **me** and look down on me because I'm the cat. **I hate it.** So _why_do I judge him based on his written past? _Why_am I so unfair? The rat from the past wasn't _him_. Hell, did that stupid story actually ever happen in reality!

I've always tried to stop from looking too deep into his soul. But I just can't stop myself. I feel like I'm _drowning_ into his violet orbs of pain and sadness each time I see him. I can _sense_ the shivering cold aura he emits, the grief and hurt he carries in his heart. I've **always** known, **always** felt it.

But I **ignore** all that. I **ignore** that he's also in pain, just like all of us; just like **me**. Maybe hating him, maybe blaming him for something ridiculous that has nothing to do with him is a… _façade_.

I've always known that he never actually hated me. It was **me** who started the whole process of hating. Because… I….

I wanted to _shield_ myself from the truth. The truth that frightened me, and still scares me to the very core. The secret I will **never** tell anyone, especially _him_.

I know how alike we actually both are, even though I am hot tempered, he calm. I'm frustrating to be with, whilst he's charming. I make stupid remarks and he knows what to say whenever whatever the weather. We appear to be so far apart in habits, temperament, interests and society.

We look different too, my bright orange hair contrasting with his shining silver locks; mine ruffled in a mess whilst his lies in soft layers, framing his thin face. His slender feminine figure compared to my broader, more muscular build. My tanned, rough skin looks ten times darker against his soft, milky pale complexion. And my fierce, maroon red eyes distinctly different than his mysterious, violet orbs.

But we're actually **very** similar. Inside we… _understand _one another. We both suffer pain, sadness, heartache. We both hide our secrets from the world. We both want something we don't possess.

From the way he talks and looks at me, I can tell what mood he's in. If he fights me, I can immediately know how bad a day he's had. From just a slight body movement, or a word to a friend, I can notice if he's staying put in reality, or stuck in his inner world of turmoil.

But _why_ do I know these things? Possibly because we're so similar in mind, both suffering different pains inside. Possibly because I've grown up around him, despising the rat the cat could never be. Possibly because I've always tried to keep an eye on him to watch his every move, pondering how to defeat him.

**No**… that's not right. Yes, we both suffer immense pain, but are our heartaches so different? I've grown up around him, but did I spend most of that time despising him? I've always watched him, but was that really because I was trying to figure out his weakness so I could defeat him in battle?

**No**… I never _started off_ hating him. I've always _admired_ the rat. Like I said, he was everything I wasn't. But instead of me hating him because of this, I actually _looked up_ to him, wished with all my might that I could be **him**. I wanted to be **nearer** to him, to be **close** to him… To be **friends** with him.

Not only was he amazing at everything, and so beautiful, I could tell he held a deep sadness in his heart. A burning pain that I knew would _understand_ and _accept _me. A person who would see into my soul and comprehend the darkness lying there. I wanted someone like that. I **needed** someone like that. I needed **him**.

So I admired him from a distance when I did not know he was the cursed rat. When I discovered his true identity, I became scared. Was I not mean to **hate **this boy? Was I not meant to be **enemies** with him? Was I not meant to **fight **against him and regain my Sohma pride?

I was _meant to_, of course. But I didn't **want** to.

So I began to tell myself not to see him as a friend, but as my rival. Instead of trying to always catch a glimpse of him, I turned my back as quickly as possible. I did all I could to make myself **hate** him. It was _meant to be_.

Akito _helped_ me hate him. Gave me an even better reason to hate him. **My confinement**… If I could beat the rat I need not be confined. But… If I hadn't opened my big mouth to Akito he never would've set me this impossible challenge. That prick just loves making people's lives hell… All of us… _him_… **me**…

But I _still_ admired him. _Nothing _could really change that. True feelings are… **the truth**.

And soon that hate developed into a façade I lived with for a long time. I could feel the anger and contempt rise in me automatically the moment I saw that silver haired rat, without myself even having to summon it. The whole process became second nature to the real feelings beating inside my heart.

But I wanted to _help_ him. I **really** did. This longing… _desire_… to make him **happy**. To be able to know that I, _the cat_, could make someone **happy**. But instead, I was making him _sad_ and _miserable_. I was increasing his sadness all the time with my words and actions. By pushing him away. By making **him** hate **me**.

My heart… hurt all the time.

I squashed those emotions down like they were… **nothing**. But they mean a lot to me. And that takes a lot of guts for me to admit.

A box inside of me, waiting to be unlocked. But I'll **never **unlock mine. I hope he opens his one day though. Because then he can be free of his inner turmoil. This is one pain I will **never **release.

But I **have** to say it. At least… in my mind. Every now and again, I open that tight lid by a centimetre and let a few of my inner feelings flow into my brain, filling my heart. I have to. The truth can't be stopped.

And so those _three words_ I'll never say to him just… fall into my mind.

**I love him.**

I **know** I do. And that's why I've hated him all this time. A _cover_ so I can love him on the inside.

I love him so much I **hate** him for it. I hate him for making me feel this way. And that helps strengthen my hatred even more, gives me an excuse to actually turn him away.

My love **scares** me. The truth, it's so frightening. I'm not _meant_ to feel this way, for **so** many reasons! I don't know how it started… Or how it happened. Or whatever. _It just did._ I **never **asked to feel like that!

I wanted to run away from liking him. And I sort of… _did_. By **hating** him. And I had a proper excuse to hate him too.

My love for him… Perhaps it was because of my attraction towards him. Perhaps… perhaps I was **lonely**. Because no one wanted me back then. And I wanted to feel loved. And… maybe I knew he wanted the _same_ too.

I don't know if this is… _that _kind of love… But it **is** love. A parental love… sibling love… friendship love… _couples_ love. I don't really know. But whatever it is, I feel something, and that still… scares me. Because I'm not _meant to_.

Like Haru, I guess… I'm like **Haru**. He was and still is my _first love_. Which sounds **ridiculous**. But it's true.

I have found another… someone who is there for me. Someone **important **to me. And I care for her **very much**. It's not the _same _as my love for _him_. My love for him seems slightly **different**. Perhaps my love evolved from just… _admiring _him so much. Fascinated, attracted to something far from my reach.

I can still barely believe I like him. And that I can hate him so much. The moment he used to come near me, I would lash out, scared, annoyed… that I felt that way. That I would end up liking him. That he had no idea how I felt.

That idiot fell for my act completely. Well… so did everyone else.

I admit, after I started channelling all the hatred I was forcing myself to feel, I began to realise… that it turned into **reality**. I **did** start to hate him because he had everything I didn't. I started to hate him for what he was, even though I knew that was hypocritical of me. Even though I knew I _loved_ him.

But _she_ helped me… Because I could focus all my attention on her. All my anger and sadness slowly leaked away. All my love… gone to _her_. I realised I didn't have to put up this stupid mask that much. I didn't have to get so annoyed. I didn't need to think about _him_. I had _her_, and I wanted to treasure all the time left that I had with her.

But…

That doesn't stop the fact I still _love_ him. and that's why I'm thinking about it now… I may not worry about it anymore. I may not even bother with him now. But he's still _inside of me_. That love hiding itself far from the world, never to be exposed.

But I **can't** love him. It's a **forbidden** love. Whether it is because I love him as a brother or as a good friend. It's still **wrong**. Not only because we're both male and that's _immoral_. Not because we're cousins of the same family. Not because he's the rat and because of that, he's an arrogant jerk. Not because **no one** would agree and understand it.

It's because it's he's the **rat**, and I'm the **cat**. And I **must** hate him. An _occupation_ I cannot rid myself of as long as we both live.

Yes, it all goes back to the Juunishi story, the tight circle that keeps us all bonded together, suffocating slowly to death. The stupid piece of **shit **that has ruined all of our lives.

People always ask me. **Why** do you hate him so much? If the questioner was ignorant of the Sohma curse, I would reply because he was just a damn arrogant asshole. To one of the other Juunishi, I would answer that it was because he was the _rat_, and I would **always** hate him because of that.

Yes, I **do** actually hate him. I hate him with **all my heart**. I willingly admit that. I love him, but hate him. Why? There is only **one** real reason for my hatred. **One** reason why I still continue to hate him. And it's such a stupid… **stupid** reason.

I don't hate him because he's everything I'm not. I don't hate him because he's a member of the Juunishi and I'm not. I don't hate him because I'm assuming he's cunning and evil as told in the traditions. I don't hate him because he's the **rat**.

At the end of the day, there's only **one **reason for my hatred. For me, it's an **obligation** to hate him, and nothing will ever change that. I **cannot** change that. I **must** hate him, I **have to** hate him. And I **hate** the fact that I **must** hate him. It's **so stupid**! So **fucking stupid** that I feel like my heart is _breaking._

But… I will **always** hate him with all my heart as long as I continue to live, because… because it is Kyo Sohma, the _cat's_ **job** to hate Yuki Sohma, the _rat_. And it will **forever **be like that.

_

* * *

Thank you for reading. Please review to tell me what you think! Thank you! _

_Chibito_


End file.
